So here we go with another post.
I have a calendar! It's another one of those things where it doesn't sound important, but it is. Why? Because each day I have been writing my weight on it so that I can track whether I'm losing or gaining. I also put weight goals on there, so that by a certain day I want to be that weight. At the moment I'm 50kg (110.2) By Monday (17th) I want to be 48.8 (approx 107.3) because I go and see my therapist. (That's a loss of 500gms a day. I haven't seen her for a few weeks because of Christmas, New Year's, they were moving building etc. It means that I'll have lost around 5kg (10lbs) which is good. That only gives me 3 days in which to lose weight, but I know I can do it.
Also, by the time I go back to school (1st February) I want to be 46.8 (102lbs) because that's quite close to my lowest weight.
Last year when I hit my lowest weight 45kg (99lbs) none of my friends got to see my progress because it was the middle of winter and we have winter uniforms. (Long skirt, stockings, blouse, jumper and jacket.) But we go back in summer where we wear summer dresses. I know 102lbs isn't very low, but it's a fair bit less than most of my friends. (Most of them are all around in the 120's or higher.) One of my friends has a metabolic problem so she's seriously skinny. She really looks like she should be hospitalised or something. She lost some more weight at the end of last year (not by any fault of her own) and she complained to me and a friend "I've lost more weight and now I look anorexic, I want to look like you guys, you guys are like healthy skinny!" My friend and I reassured her that she looks fine, that we're both too fat to be healthy skinny; I don't think it really helped, but I don't know what else we could've done. (I think she does look fine in my opinion, but I want to be thinner than her).
I also want to lose weight before I go back to school because a lot of my friends have lost weight not like massive amounts but enough that it's noticeable. I'm moderately sure that they're just trying to be healthy, but it makes me quite jealous. My friend was talking to me about what she was eating and I said to her "Why aren't I allowed to lose weight? All you guys have lost heaps of weight; I want to lose weight too!" She told me that if I lost any more weight I would be anorexic. That's really not true, because to be classified as anorexic I would need to weigh 102 or less. (That's not including other diagnostic criteria.) In my opinion at 102 I still look just as fat as I did at 124, and I'm never going to get that fat again. I want to feel thin.
Ok, this is getting really long, but if I don't write this all out, it'll just get saved for another day and I won't be able to keep you up to date. I also wanted to tell you how I organise what I eat. I don't count calories religiously because that has driven me insane, and a lot of the stuff I eat I find it really hard to count (2 grapes or 2 dried dates or 2 dried crackers.) and I know more than enough to guesstimate them. I usually try to overestimate, just to make sure I'm not telling myself I'm eating more than I actually am.
Anyway, the main way I organise how much I can eat is by my system which I call lines. I keep a food diary, and each day I'm only allowed a set amount of lines. These past few days I have been allowed eight lines. Now that sounds like a lot doesn't it? But, the way I've structured it, it's not. For breakfast yesterday I had or a tea, no milk, no sugar. (1 line.) Lunch was a rice cake with promite (1 line.) then I had half a teaspoon or promite (1 line.) Then I had 2 grapes which is another line. Then a blackberry, another line. For dinner I had a flavoured rice cake another line. After dinner I had 2 blackberries, another line and 2 dates another line. (It's getting a little repetitive.) When you add it all up, it's a lot less than what most people would have, (It's around 150cals max.) but today I'm going down to 5 lines, which will be fun. Another thing is I have to eat little things (dates, grapes etc.) in even numbers, I have to have 2, 4, 6 or 8 so on so forth (8 sounds like to much in my opinion) , I can't have odd numbers. No idea why, I just can't.
Anyway, that's all I have for today (aren't you relieved?)
-Kit
No comments:
Post a Comment