...With my medication. Why? One of the side effects listed in children and adolescents is weight loss. I have been eating shit for a week and only gone up to 116 when usually I would bounce right up to my set weight of 124. It's also decreased my appetite which prevents me from binging and purging which is excellent. Now I just need to stop feeling so fucking sorry for myself and eat right. Then everything will be perfect. I'll be perfect.
Tomorrow I have my first one on one session with my therapist since hospital. Oh Joy. I might just die. Then Wednesday I have my first family therapy meeting. That one's going to fucking kill me. I can't talk about this mess in front of my parents. I absolutely can't. Fuck. I'm also getting a meeting with my GP too. Woot. I feel so fucking popular.
Hospital hasn't changed anything. It just feels like a weird dream.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
Ok, I'm back for good now. (You're stuck with me. Sucks to be you.)
I got weekend leave over the weekend, and was formally discharged after school on Monday. Fuck. I hate school. There is so much work, and now I have two weeks worth of work and assignments to catch up on. I just want to stay in my bed all day. I'm so depressed I can be bothered purging, picking up clothes of the floor, they stay there until i need to get dressed again. I didn't shower or brush my teeth for four days, because what is the fucking point of it all? My life is one big mess.
At hospital when they were waiting until they got me into a stable condition I was in the adolescent ward. Either side of me were two anorexics who were there for re feeding. And I was the fat sack of shit in between them. I hate my life. I wish I could donate it to some poor person who was dying from some disease, because I don't deserve it. I just want to sleep until one day where I can wake up and this mess is over. But I can't. Because I am the mess and I will only be over when I die. So what do I do with my life?
I got weekend leave over the weekend, and was formally discharged after school on Monday. Fuck. I hate school. There is so much work, and now I have two weeks worth of work and assignments to catch up on. I just want to stay in my bed all day. I'm so depressed I can be bothered purging, picking up clothes of the floor, they stay there until i need to get dressed again. I didn't shower or brush my teeth for four days, because what is the fucking point of it all? My life is one big mess.
At hospital when they were waiting until they got me into a stable condition I was in the adolescent ward. Either side of me were two anorexics who were there for re feeding. And I was the fat sack of shit in between them. I hate my life. I wish I could donate it to some poor person who was dying from some disease, because I don't deserve it. I just want to sleep until one day where I can wake up and this mess is over. But I can't. Because I am the mess and I will only be over when I die. So what do I do with my life?
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