Rambling, Rambling

Ok, so 1000 cals is really not my best idea. It sounded like a lot, it felt like a lot, and it was.

It was too much which made me feel like I had been eating all day,

so I binged and purged (don't I always?)

about 3-4 times, which is a lot, for me.

(I usually only b/p about 2 times.)

So new plan. About 600-800 cals a day (500 is an odd number.

Odd numbers are for sucks and 400 is two low, although it is a beautiful number.

It is now officially my goal cals per day. I want to work my way down to it though.)

Oh! I hit 110.2 yesterday, but this morning I was back up to 110.4,

which is upsetting, I'm going to exercise like crazy so I can be under 110 by Sunday.

Working tomorrow which is excellent!

Oh. My therapist recommended that I sit in the car and play with the buttons, and clutch etc until I can actually consider driving without having a panic attack.

Yeah. Thinking about driving scares me to death.

Sometimes just sitting in the car makes me feel like crying.

When my Dad was trying to teach me to drive, he always got really angry,

and when I'm in the car with just one of my parents we talk about my issues,

so I guess now I associate driving and being in the car with stress,

anxiety and upset feelings.

Oh joy. At the moment the thought of sitting in the driver's seat makes me feel anxious.

I'm getting anxious thinking about it. This could go on forever. Change of subject.

Subject Change: I will make a list of acceptable foods instead of UNacceptable foods, yay!

Today was officially my last supper, I ate all the bad foods I wanted,

and now I can never ever eat them again, yay!

No homework done tonight, about 4 hours worth will be done Sunday.

Yes, I know I'm rambling,

but if anyone has any excellent music recommendations

I would love to listen to them, I listen to anything from classical to heavy metal, to trance.

I'm not a country fan, but if you think you can convince me,

I wish you luck and will give it a shot.

I need to start knitting again, actually I will get that out after this post.

Oh! Wintergirls arrived Wednesday, I finished it Thursday night, it was excellent and beautiful, and my friend wants to borrow it,

although she knew about my eating issues last year, but most people who knew think that they have passed, so I hope she doesn't pay it any extra attention.

Today I also read an excellent book called 'Violence 101' which is set in New Zealand. It's the story of a 14 year old boy who has a very high IQ and is placed in multiple juvenile detention centres after he pushes a man off a jetty and the man dies. It's really, really excellent, and not very long if you don't have the attention span for lengthy books. It's written more for teen guys (what does that say about me?) but I found it really excellent and interesting.

I really am rambling now, so I'll shut up before you get too lost and confused.

Hope you all had brilliant days

Take Care

Stay True

-Kit