Today was a bad day emotionally. It seriously sucked.
Ok, so my therapist said I should get a plant or pet so that I have something to look after, and I really wanted to get a pet, so I said to my Dad, can I get a pet? and he said No. Straight out. He didn't even consider it, because when I was a kid I had a pet and I forgot to take care of it, and it died. I feel bad about it even to this day, but I was a kid. Fuck. It makes me feel so worthless, because no matter what I do, I can never make up for any of the shit, none of my mistakes are forgiven, so I have to be perfect.
Today was also bad food wise, and my toilet got blocked, (Yes, TMI, I apologise profusely) but I unblocked it before it got too serious, so yay. I was probably quite bad today, not just from my Dad saying I couldn't get a pet (I'm not quite that bad.) but also stress from school, and friends etc.
I get so much fucking homework. If I miss one nights homework, I have double the next day and I just feel so fucking tired.
I wanted to hurt myself just so that I could get put into hospital and away from all this shit. I feel like I'm not really for year 11, I'm too fucking young.
Fuck I'm such a whinger. A fucking failure.
You are not a failure, you are fucking wonderful and don't let anyone else make you feel any different!
ReplyDeleteRawr!
High school sucked for me and was super stressful, its perfectly fine to feel stressed and unprepared. You don't have to be perfect hun, you already are, just as you are. <3
Stay strong hun.