Ok, Now I Hate My Meds

They suck. Yes, I gain weight more slowly, but I can't keep my thoughts on track. I CANT purge anymore, which is an issue, but it means I'm not binging anymore =D. Unfortunately, I can't keep my mind on losing weight and counting calories and all those lovely things. I miss them, so much. But before I thought, nah I don't have an ED because it's not compulsive, I just purge because I'm fat and I don't want this food in me so I fast, etc etc but now that I can't do it anymore, I realise how compulsive it was, and I can actually see how bad I was. But I want it back. I know it's bad, but being thin will feel so right. Hell, I want to be thin. I see all the tiny girls at school and I hope and pray that tomorrow I will be able to focus. The problem is these pills stop me from purging, but they don't stop the anxiety/depression/suicidal thoughts. They don't stop me from wanting to be thin, which leaves me in this hellish limbo where I'm confused out of my mind. They're a waste of money. I want to conquer them. I will defeat them and get thin. I will be strong.